Pure Souls

Spending time together everyday
Not expecting anything in return
We were happy this way
Neither did we have much to worry about
The problems we had in our lifes were minor
We did not think a lot about the future
We just kinda lived our lifes
And were assured we had a bright future ahead of us
Thinking everything would go flawless
No wonder we never worried

The memories I have of those times
Have already faded to some degree
But I will never forget
How magical and happy they were

Just like these times had their time limit,
So did these friendships
And they can never be relived again
Because the overal circumstances have changed

Back then,

We were so young, ignorant and innocent
But most of all we were pure,
nothing but pure souls.

A bag of nails

Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the first day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
“You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry’, the wound is still there.”

Source: View on Buddhism

Stroll

Woke up with my eyes all puffy
I had a rough night
Because It was one of those nights
where bad thoughts take the lead
“I am miserable”
“I am unworthy”
“I am a failure”
“I am a damn joke”
Tears that wont stop falling
And losing control all over my body
 
Now I just want to take a walk,
Towards a world without agony
Even if the stroll will be endless,
I will keep  moving forward
 

 

 

 

Lost

Quite some time has passed since my world started collapsing.
I’ve been busy picking up the pieces for quite some time now, but it’s like there’s no end to it.
The amount of pieces it had been into broken is just innumerable.
There have been so many times that I had been convinced that the end was finally near.
But never had I been so wrong.
Not once
Not twice
Not thrice
No, it occurred so many times that I’ve lost count.
 
I feel like a failure that can’t do anything right.
I couldn’t even pass my first year of college.
It’s just that I’ve been so emotionally unstable.
But it’s getting better.
I am just wishing for a second chance, but the more time passes the less confident I become about this.
I just need to find my way again.
Because right now I’m still lost, and maybe just slightly leaning towards the right direction

Changes

For almost two decades, I’ve been… pretty much the typical nice girl with the bright personality. The girl who rarely got mad and was very jolly most of the time. But most of all, the girl who was much more ignorant than she actually thought she was. But a few months before I was about to turn 20, things changed with a rapid pace.

But honestly, I am not blaming anyone but myself, it was just my ignorance that took its toll. I just did not have a clue about how dangerous it could be to leave your heart out in the open. I was so mad and in fact I guess I was even furious at myself, “How could you be so foolish”, I continuously told myself. It wasn’t just that my heart had been crushed; it was actually way more than that. It was like the warmth that was inside of my heart began to escape through the gaps that had been formed because of the shock. More and more warmth quietly released itself from my heart, which as a result made it become colder and colder inside of me. Eventually it was like my heart’s temperature just dropped below such a temperature that it just froze up.

While the pain was establishing itself, the winter had just started. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? Even though that winter’s temperature was fairly high, it was to me the coldest winter I had ever had. Despite there wasn’t even a single snowfall that winter, inside of me the snowflakes kept piling up. I lost track of the amount of times I wailed and cried myself to sleep. It is just that the terrifying feeling of being thrown away like a worn-out toy is extraordinary frightening. Although the summer season is about to begin, it feels like the winter still hasn’t left my body.

I admit that I was probably too ignorant for my age. And that I undeniably needed to learn more about life. Although they say that most negative happenings take valuable lessons with them, if I could I would go back in time, so that I never would have met you. Because let’s face it, getting so many life lessons in one go, is bound to have terrifying consequences.

Before you know it you start changing and turn into something you had always refused to become. Endless fights with your very own self will follow. Until it finally hits you and you realize that life is all about undergoing changes, even if it is against your will. And that if you were to object, you would never ever have that feeling again of being at ease. But honestly life is all about surviving in this cruel world, and those changes that will occur are just ways to build up your own self-defense mechanism.

My perspective on the world changed. Because now, in my eyes; the world is a dark place with sometimes tiny rays of light. I had to learn not to care, but now it’s gotten to such a point that I have to learn again how to care. It is especially frustrating because it feels like there is a huge unfillable void inside of me.

 

But..

It will be fine…

Someday..

I will be fine again.

Someday..

I will laugh as I look back at these ridiculous circumstances.

But until that day comes..

I will bear with it just a little longer.